The Nido Queene

1

But what of Misty, one may cry
Who last we saw had been caught
By a Jolteon, (don’t ask me why
It’s something about what knight’s ought
To do when they have gone and fought.)
Now they head into the trees
And now a lesson is to be taught
By Jolteon, getting her to her knees
“Oh curse me!” Cried Misty, “Why am I so hot?”

2

But hark! Comes forth a torrent of fawns
Or rather, some rhyhorn and kangaskhan
Jolteon is caught up in the storm
And carried off to be seen anon.
And now the forest creatures gaze upon
The beautiful girl before them lying
With the same internal soul that’s born
Inside that worthy Arcanine
And each and every pokemon.

3

They took in Misty as their queen
And loaded her with woodland gold
Studded through with em’ralds green
And covered in runes, untranslated, untold.
Who knows what price these could be sold
For? But it was quite strange
For Misty they did in such adoration hold
Thank God that then comes Satyrane
A Rhydon who could shape and mould

4

The actions of the shrubland freaks
That now wrapped Misty all in white
He was a hard and worthy freke*
But when he saw Misty, he felt such delight
With love for someone of her delight.
But unlike his fellow pokemon clan
He knew she could not stay, so when light
Faded and night came, they ran
Together; what a perculiar sight!

5

On their escape along the sands
They ran into an aged sage
A man who told them that a worthy man
Had been slaughtered here just 10 years of age,
“A trainer named Ash,” bewailed the mage,
“Killed by Jolteon, having lost
The girl he’d won, the battle’s wage
Now Ash has paid the ultimate cost
For facing a jilted jolteon’s rage.”

6

Misty cried the prettiest tears
A woman has ever cried before
For suddenly all of her wildest fears
Had come about, and some fears more.
“Oh I am a foolish whore!
Whoever let this be the case,
Why must I cause death and needless gore
And pain all for my pretty face?
I’ll rip my heart out, and live ne’ermore!”

7

But before she could perform the deed
The sage pointed at a nearby dock
“Behind there stands your love’s cruel killer
He waits to hear your cries and mock
You for your heart should be hard as rock.”
With that, Rhydon and Misty searched
For Jolteon there, and as the clock
Struck evening and the sun perched
On the sea, Jolteon unleashed a thundershock.

8

Which Rhydon took with ease and then
He fired back a Horn Drill strike
But Jolteon was faster than any men
And dodged it with the speed of Nike,
It was a scene that Misty didn’t like.
She fled towards the coast once more
But the beasts were caught in the fiercest fight
She ran towards the misty moors
And hid behind the tallest dike.

9

And watching all this carnage happen
Sat the sage upon the sand
Who was just Ditto once again
Pretending to be a kind old man
Surveying the completion of another plan
And then he drifted onwards still
To find sweet Misty, now truly damned,
He turned to bird of wings and bill
And took to skies to spot his madame…

——

*Freke, as in the middle english word for knight. See what I did there? Yeah you did.

1

FLAREON SANSJOY CHALLENGES YOU TO A FIGHT
TRAINER SENDS OUT VENUSAUR
FLAREON USES FIRE BLAST
VENUSAUR CAN’T STAND ANYMORE.
CHOOSE NEXT POKEMON: JUST ONE MORE.
TRAINER SENDS OUT HITMONCHAN
FLAREON ATTACKS, HITMONCHAN HITS THE FLOOR!
SEND OUT ANY POKEMON YOU CAN
CAN IT ATTACK BEFORE ITS SHOWN THE DOOR?

2

“Damnit!” Ash cried as Fearow withered
Back inside its pokeball
“How did Flareon know all these moves?
Every move I make at all
He fights back with even greater gall!”
Then finally, he knew his choice,
Out came Onix, good and tall
With a screech of horrid voice
Onix could only ever appal

3

And with one CRASH of that fine tail
Flareon was caught off guard
Fire Blasts could only fail
Because Onix, you see, is plain rock hard,
Flareons’s mighty rage was marred.
But then a cloud swept ‘cross the field
Sweet Jynx she ‘oohed’ and Pikachu ‘aaaahed’,
And the wounded Flareon had to yield
As he was carried off by a gaseous overlord.

4

Jynx said well done to her trainer
But that eve she spoke to the night
Her plan of vengeance had betrayed her
Now she needed to kill her knight
But she need to make sure she did it right
“Dear Night!” she sang “please hear my prayer!
Please help my Flareon to fight!”
She cried out to the cold, dark air,
And in its midst came a bolt of light.

5

Jynx found herself in Lavender Tower
Beside her was her fiery friend,
And into the tower they headed
And up the building they’d ascend.
To find a health some ghoul could lend.
At last they met a strange old man
He was known as ‘Fuji’, others would tend
To call him, he did what he can
To take Flareon’s illness and make a mend.

6

With that, they returned to the surface
Just outside Giovanni’s Gym
Only to find a blan space
Where was her trainer? Who had him?
You see, it was pikachu, who warned of sin,
Who told Ash of the proud fools in the cellar
Pikachu hadn’t trusted Jynx’s grin
And taken his best friend, they needn’t tell her.
And now Jynx had no chance to win.

1

“Jynx, where do you take me now?”
Said Ash, lost in the dark Mt. Moon,
“I don’t know where I’m walki-OW!”
“It’s fine, we’ll be out soon,”
(Quoth she, a cruel smirk in clandestine gloom.)
The sound of clefairys filled the dark
And then they saw a doorway, soon
They were back out in a splendid park
Of hillocks, lakes and flowery dunes.

2

Atop this all stood a house of gold
A bastion five-hundred foot high
And the turrets, both beautiful and old,
Prodded the soft belly of the sky,
Its reason for being here, no one asked why.
A porter, a sleek white persian came
And lead them to her master Giovanni
Although he did not share his name
He merely descended on his dratini.

3

Following him, a menagerie,
All the symbols of the sins,
First came Snorlax- that of gluttony,
As it yawns and shakes its flabby skins
And it accepted all the food it could in.
Next was Jigglypuff, idleness
Her voice produced a melodic din
That created a sense of sleepiness
What could stop it? Why, nothing!

4

Next came Lickitung, lechery,
Its tongue attacked everyone in sight
Its flesh was pink and soft and bouncy
Its heart was cold and black as night
Which no real love could ever save with light.
Next came avarice, the Persian
That had shown them such delight,
Now it seemed a different person
With its payday it knew how to fight.

5

Then was envy, exeggutor
Who bore three faces, none enough
Upon all three an expression bore
Of discontent wth a life so tough
All it wanted was other’s stuff.
Then came Magmar, face of wrath,
And blowing fire that could snuff
The life of any that dared to laugh
At a creature so fearsome and so gruff.

6

But although the procession had completed
Then there came a Flareon
His brother’s killer he wished deleted
And with that he put his game face on.
“We can’t fight here, that would be wrong,”
said Ash, who knew his rights
“We’d destroy this house, we are too strong,
Let us wait till after night,
Then we’ll have a battle long.”

7

The beast agreed, and then that night
Jynx crept to the aggressor’s side
And told him with his eyes shut tight
What pokemon Ash’s balls had inside,
“With this knowledge, you’ll turn the tide
Of battle to your favour, friend,
I’m only here for the ride
And to make this fool reach his bitter end,
It is I that tore Nidoran from his bride!”

1

But what of Misty, sweet and blithe
Who ran on searching for her mate
No forge could take some life and smithe
A story much more disparate.
Oh what will become of Misty’s fate?
Finally, she arrives in a nameless wood
And calling herself “foul reprobate!”
She goes to sleep as best as she could
Unaware of the move her life now takes…

2

Lurking through the undergrowth
There comes a mighty arcanine
His teeth like knives and daggers both
His fur as red as finest wine
Or blood, if they did intertwine.
But to his duty he was betrothed
And when he saw this maiden fine
He followed his undying oath
“To become your servant, not make you mine.”

3

So when fair Misty woke next morn
She was surprised to see him there
The great beast woke with a noisy yawn
And nuzzled his new accomplice’s hair.
“Now that’s lovely, but what are you doing there?”
Quoth she, now utterly confused,
“You needn’t stop, you needn’t stare,”
(Quoth beast), “you needn’t be bemused,”
I am your guardian, girl so fair.”

4

“Because I sensed you were so good
I am obliged to be your aide,
It was a fact not understood
Until I found you in this glade,”
Quoth Arcanine, “so… how about it babe?”
Although Misty was of water fond
She wouldn’t pass up any aid,
And so they strolled off past a pond,
And heard the poliwag’s serenade.

5

At last they came upon a home
Owned by two Catholic allegories, shame!
Both had hair colours quite unknown,
One called Jesse, one called James,
(A curse upon whoever gave those names.)
James was blind as Catholics be
(Apparently) Jesse had been shown
To rob the church, as did Abbeys,
Or at least take out unpaid loans.

6

At was at just this moment that
A Meowth known as kirkrapine
Tried with all the stealth of cat
To break into this house so fine.
But that wasn’t ok with Arcanine.
“Prepare for trouble!” He then cried
And with one flamethrower in one straight line
That Meowth was fully fried
“All his money, that be mine!”

7

Said Jesse, lurching t’ward their guests
But Arcanine had snatched Una away
That wise creature, he knew best
And so they escaped along their way.
And Jesse and James cried out, “Oy vay!
We’ve lost another money stash!”
That’s all that concerns people foolish as they,
But then appeared a trainer, Ash,
And they told him they had a foe to slay.

8

But this is not the Ash we know
Who currently is not round here
This is the form of old Ditto
Who’s powers are so strange and queer
He’s taken on a man’s veneer.
When he caught up with ‘his’ fair love
He offered her his words ‘sincere’
Of apologies to her and God above
And would she join him once more here?

9

Misty acquiesced, and they
Began their quest on once again
But Arcanine was not so swayed
He did not see ‘Ash’ as his friend.
But who could know Ditto’s great pretend?
Suddenly, a Jolteon
Leapt from a shrub’ry round the bend
And announced, “my revenge battle’s on!
You killed my brother, now this is the end!”

10

Before he could reach for his balls
‘Ash’ was pinned down by the dog
Who blocked the sight from any and all
And so Ditto let down its smog
To his friend, who knew his catalogue
Of identities was wide and vast
And saw his ally below the fog
And so the die’s again recast
And Misty just watched on agog.

11

Then Jolteon, as Ditto pleaded
Everything that he must do
Turned and fired his attack as needed
At Misty, but Arcanine came to the rescue
His HP dropped down to two.
With one last breath he tried to fire
A blast of energy at Jolteon too
But he had not strength, though he had desire,
And like Vaporeon, Arcanine’s last breath he drew.

12

And so Misty was made to join the critter
That had so destroyed her friend
And turned him into poke-fritter
It seemed to her this was the end
For nothing could take this wound and mend
All her pokemon were water
Against her captor she could not defend
So slavery came for the ocean’s daughter
Whilst Ditto escaped there once again…

1

Ash moved silently as a mr mime
On his passage through the halls
Only for Ditto to transform one last time
Into a Golem, one of those living balls
Of rock who followed fake Misty’s calls
And Ash watched on as those two both
Made sweet love filled with moans and drawls
And Ash, angry, though very loath,
Watched his angel’s sweaty fall.

2

Next morning, as the slumber rose
The trainer was already with his ‘mon
“We have no time for sluts or ho’s
Do we pikachu? Now, let’s just go, c’mon,”
The critter cried out, but they walked on.
The journey was a lonely trip
That was silent but loaded with the heart’s old song
Of lovers torn from hand and lip
But then who appeared but a Vaporeon

3

They met him near to Pewter town
He was joined by a most gorgeous Jynx
Who wore a most resplendent gown
And whose watery friend was sleek as lynx,
Whilst she had qualities of the minx.
At first they seemed a timid pair
But then Vaporeon’s demeanour sinks
And he summoned bubblebeams from the air
That splashed our trainer like aggressve drinks.

4

Ash chose next his Venusaur
Who emerged from ball in storm of green
Through the air his razor leaves soar
Each blow was strong and each was keen
Such a strong attack no one had ever seen.
Vaporeon was knocked out and cold
And Jynx upon their mercy leaned
“Oh please just take me with you bold
Sir, I am no temptress mean!”

5

So he acquiesced and along she came
And told them of her torrid tale
Of her marriage to a lord so lame
‘Fore knot was tied his heart did fail.
She was hard done by by this male.
Before too long they went to go
And to Mt Moon they all set sail
But they came upon a pair of willows
One was man and one female.

6

Then, all of a sudden, speaks the tree!
The tree has all the words of man
“I am not a plant, but enchanted,” quoth he,
“I was actually born a Nidoran.
I shall tell my tale as best I can.
One day me and my lady fair-
Who now beside me, waves and fans,
Came upon some liar there
Who told us she was of some clan

7

“That suggested she was noble born
And so we took her with us soon
But then she made me leave with scorn
My lady one day by light of moon
Strange how girls can make us loons.
But when I realised my fault, I blanched,
She sang a most perculiar tune
That turned me all to roots and branch
She’d done the same to my lady too!”

8

“How awful!” Quoth the trainer wary
“What was this devil creature’s shape?”
“I can’t remember, but she was scary,
And known about as a Tentacruel, no mistake.”
With that, sweet Jynx’s consciousness brakes,
And down she falls upon the ground
“She’s lost all of her hit points mates,
We need to keep her safe and sound,
We’ll look out for whores and rakes!”

9

With that our hero took his lady
Off towards the nearest potion
And left the Nidorans keeping shady
Men too scared to apply lotion
Their branch-noise soothing like the ocean,
Scared some day some trainer would
Cause the greatest of commotions
Mistake their transformed forms for wood
And cut them through in one swift motion.

1

A pokemon trainer was trav’ling far and wide
To be the best that he could be
Beside him came his ginger bride
To help him catch all one-hundred and fifty
And she was called fair, sweet Misty.
Beside them was his noble friend
A golden mouse of electricity
A pikachu, assistant to the end,
They were the best friends three could be.

2

When suddenly a rain began
As fierce as hydropumps or worse
They knew it may not harm a man
But for Pikachu it may be averse
And so into the woods they traverse
Viridian they called it here
Misty guarded throat and purse
From all the beasts so dark and queer
“But then again, it could be worse

3

We could, (quoth trainer) be- OH MY GOD”
He stopped, and stood so very still
A creature had emerged, how odd!
It was a horrid Aerodactyl
Called ‘Error’ beast of choices ill
He gurgled his name, and paper spat
He was a rock type, strong of form and will
So Ash sent out his trusty rat
To do something to him terrible.

4

“Huzzah!” said the trio at one go,
“The beast called Error could not stand
Electric shocks from its brave foe
The strongest pikachu in all the land.”
They travelled onwards, feeling grand.
But as they travelled deeper in
They saw, behind a tree, a hand,
A withered palm twas beckoning
“for us to come,” (quoth Ash) “I understand!”

5

The shrunken form that looked like Oak
Was lying, shaking, on the floor
He was all masked in a traveller’s cloak
But our heroes couldn’t leave him poor
So, they asked him where to find his door
To drop him there so he could rest
He started moving even before
They could tell him of their quest
And lead them to the tree-sea’s shore.

6

Upon their leaving Viridian
They found his house there on Route 3
It was the colour of obsidian
And looked as ominous as could be,
“But we’ve nothing to fear,” quoth blithe Misty,
Who lifted the latch where Oak could not,
And let him back inside did she
His house was dark and smelt of rot
And yet he invited them all to tea.

7

The tea they drank was warm and sweet
It was the perfect end to this
A day spent mostly on their feet
In the forest full of spindles and twists
And soon they fell into sleep’s midsts.
But as they slept upon his sofas
Oak turned into a pinkish mist
And then to gel, it was a poke
Known as Ditto, the king of tricks.

8

By calling Haunter, he gave Ash
A dream of sex and lust and love
Of Misty’s breasts, her tongue, her… Eyes
And gave his faith every imaginable shove
So that Ash cried “by God above!
I must apologise to Misty, oh!
My sweet and innocent ginger dove,”
But as he went to find her, Ditto
Formed a copy, real enough.

9

The unreal Misty came to Ash
And tried to touch his pokeballs
He was taken back, abashed
And said “not in these hallowed halls!”
He awoke no one with his calls
For they were all in powedered sleep,
For Ditto now had summoned gloom
Who created slumber oh so deep
To make them all ignore their doom…